


void

by spaciekye



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, half life vr ai
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24298039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaciekye/pseuds/spaciekye
Summary: benry knew that the void would be quiet, so he decided to sing in the sweet voice for the time being.that did not calm him down whatsoever.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	void

**Author's Note:**

> uh hi this is a private fic hopefully so hi bye

Silence. 

It was one of many unbearable components of the void, that and never ending nothingness lying ahead. It wasn't like Benry frequently went on walks, considering he had no physical needs whatsoever and could sit there all day. However, whenever he did, he found a pit forming in his stomach. It had almost reminded him of Coomer's ominous words, regarding the outside of Black Mesa. 

"There's _nothing_ there."

Although Benry rarely found himself scared (and when he was, it was usually an over-exaggerated reaction to seeing soldiers), that sentence never ceased to make him feel.. uneasy. Of course he knew this was all a game. Of _course_ he knew that he was nothing but code. Being self aware and programmed into a game doesn't stop emotions. Benry constantly found himself questioning his existence, wondering what would happen if Gordon turned off the game. 

Well, he sure as hell knew now.

Actually, that would be an overstatement. Benry had no fucking clue what was happening, much less what would happen in the future. He knew the fate of his existence, and he knew that he was the bad guy. His monologue was factual (emotions wise, not the bullshittery dick-slipping incident)-- of course he didn't want to be the bad guy. Gordon, somewhat directly and somewhat indirectly forced him to be by playing the game. Defeating the big bad guy ends the game, he knew that. It didn't mean that he wanted to be trapped. He actually wasn't aware of the outcome of the other characters, not knowing if they were in some other void or just completely erased. 

The latter didn't make sense to him, though. Why would he be here? Why would he be _alive_? Was he?.. Of course he was alive. He had no powers, though. No dicking around with his skeletons, no growing.. no retconning. He noticed he was actually getting quite upset, an unusual behavior from his apathetic self. It was probably due to boredom-- what felt like weeks in the void feeling absolutely nothing (until he admitted he was being stupid and decided to vent to nobody in particular), of course he'd get some built up feelings. 

A sharp sigh escaped his nose, even though he lacked the need to breathe.  
It was.. comforting, in a strange fashion, because it made him feel just a little more real. He decided to calm himself down from the last crisis he had. 

A slight humming could be heard, as well as blue, purple and teal orbs dancing around him. He was singing- he was doing the Black Mesa Sweet Voice to the void. His eyes closed, imagining freaking out Gordon and annoying him for a little bit, the sweet voice faltering as he laughed. Benry continued to hum, moving his head up and down and side to side. He remembered how Gordon thought the voice was beautiful.

"...what the fuck am I doing?" He spoke up, his voice hushed and coarse. It seemed like he hadn't spoken in a while, mostly having internal monologues. "void, uh," He thought for a little while, regaining his train of thought. "why am i still here? oh, i was the big-bad, now i'm cursed in this void forever? is the science team gonna come out from, uh, curtains or some shit, a-and say 'surprise, we got you good', and suddenly this isn't a game anymore?" 

Silence. Nobody replied, and he didn't even hear an echo from his own voice. 

"man, i just wanted to play.. shit, does jeffermemm- josh, too- even exist? probably not." He pursed his lips for a moment, biting them as if thinking of what to say next. "honestly, i did that, uh, monologue to feetman because i wanted to somehow.. play him as the big baddie instead. you probably don't get that, since it's.. not common- not a common occurrence. you know, to grow 30 feet and turn into an eldritch god, blame your crush, and then get sent to the void." He pondered for a while longer, his expression morphing into one of apathy.

"li-like," He cut himself off, but continued after a few seconds; "-e, is the heavenly sword bullshit even real, either? money isn't really a, uh.. issue here. at black mesa- in this universe." His sentences became more disheveled as he continued, "so.. free month.. wasn't really an issue either. because," Benry completely stopped. His gaze was fixated on the ground, although his expression stayed the same. 

"i'm literally talking to the void. i sound more insane than mr pleb-feetman. how is he even doing? you know, i don't think i give a shit. he killed me, uh, multiple- multiple times." He then looked straight up, singing the sweet voice to create the most deafening sound imaginable. It still didn't affect him. He almost seemed frustrated at the fact it wouldn't faze him. He continued singing the sweet voice in a nearly bratty manner, the pitch wavering as he shook his head around.  
He remembered how Gordon had fucking despised that, always pleading for him (or his skeleton buddy) to stop. 

Benry still hated him. If Gordon could hate him, and-  
His inner monologue was disrupted by a verbal one. 

"h-he can hate me. so- so if he can hate me, and not give me kisses and hugs, and saying 'oh save it for later', and then never giving the kisses or hugs, then i'm not the bad guy here. i was so chill. just, hanging around, following him... following him, and just trying to help. and he hated my guts." He found himself ranting once again to the void, an emptiness filling his chest when there was no reply. He was almost expecting a 'what the fuck' from Gordon himself. Imagining it, he almost felt that he could hear it.

"huh?" Benry turned around, seeing if anyone was actually there. He seemed rather insistent at first, calling out to someone that wasn't there. After a few moments of silence, he accepted the fact that this was indeed the void. 

It wasn't fine, but it was okay. It didn't make sense to him either, but he.. he knew that, alright? The quiet humming of the sweet voice continued. 

'dooo... dooo...' He adjusted himself so it sounded more like the original.

'aaa.....aaaaaaa..' It felt a bit better like that. 

'doo...dooo...aaaa...aa...h.....doooo...do..do...dodooodoooo...aaa...' He continued to hum until it felt like he couldn't continue.  
He let himself fall backward, completely spread out as he quietly muttered the voice to himself. He kept wondering if the void would ever end.

Benry knew it wouldn't, and stopped the voice completely, engulfing himself in silence once more.


End file.
